My Downward Spiral

[Sashamarts]

2011 is not my year. It started out brightly enough, my husband and i re-dedicated ourselves to our marriage and decided to focus on TTC (we'd been "not preventing" for a few months) and we quickly became pregnant... a few short weeks later I miscarried, but a mere 2 months later I was pregnant again!!! Then my hubby had to leave his job, there was an issue with drugs at the workplace and some other drama, but we didnt think it would be difficult for him to find work. Its now august and...we have nothing. nothing. not a job offer on the horizon. we've used every penny to our names and sold off nearly every single item of any value. We will very soon have no where to live. I've called every single charity in our city, and no one will help us because we have no income. We were denied welfare cash assistance, and although we get food stamps they havent come in this month, they are a week late and I'm not even allowed to call about it again until tomorrow. I'm 24 weeks pregnant, i have a 4 year old and a hubby who has been busting his butt trying to move our things into storage before we are homeless- we're hungry! My mom recently put a bunch of baby stuff on layaway for us, which I majorly appreciate- but we have no where to live. She has my nephews dad living in her spare room, so there is no room there. My brother-in-law graciously lent us the money to get a storage unit so we dont lose everything we own, but I dont know how we'll pay the bill next month. We are on a waiting list for income-based apartment, I called about 3 weeks after being told "2 months" and was told ANOTHER 2 months from that date, so really we have no idea when that will come thru. My father-in-law was going to let us sleep in his unfinished basement, but it has wolf spiders (poisonous) and when we took our food over there it all got eaten by my BIL and his kids(hence why we have none now). My mother-in-law can let us stay in her efficiency for 2 weeks, but what we'll do after that I just dont know. The stress is overwhelming. My beautiful little girl is even showing signs of distress which is breaking my heart, I cant reassure her because I just dont know whats going to happen.... I dont know why I'm writing this, i guess just to vent. I feel so lost and terribly afraid, I dont want to lose my kids because we're homeless. I dont know what to do. We have gotten some wonderful help, the layaway, the money for storage, but we are still so desperatly in need. My life wasnt supposed to be like this... I feel like the worlds worst mother

[sapphire kate]

So sorry to hear that Sasha :-(

Do you want practical support from this thread as well as a place to vent? Or would it be better to to support you emotionally for a start?

[Sashamarts]

oh kate, I'm so exhausted and emotionally spent, but anything that anyone has to offer up is so greatly appreciated. I havent been on here in a while and I just realised how much i missed everyone

[sapphire kate]

It's good you are back here and I hope being able to talk brings some relief.

I tend to get into problem solving. You've probably thought through stuff a million times, but maybe brainstorming will shift something? Just if you feel up to it.

What part of the world are you in? Country, town, city? etc Do you need to stay there (eg does your family help much?) or can you move if you have to?

What do you have that you haven't had to give up yet?

Do you have a midwife?

Would it be easier to get emergency housing if it was just you and the kid/s? (meaning, work the system, and your mate stays somewhere else for awhile).

[Jadeswan]

Oh, Sasha, I'm so sorry. *Hugs* I had no idea things were so bad. I wish I was good at problem solving that kind of situation but I'm not. I just want you to know I care and that I'll be thinking of you. In the past my family has lived with family, in a shed and in a tent during a time of unemployment. I know something of how it feels to be homeless and I'm so sorry you are going through it.

[RoseRed]

Sasha - I'm sorry that everything is going wrong all at once. I can't even imagine the stress that you're feeling right now.

I never knew wolf spiders were poisonous. I found this - don't know if it's helpful or not - Venom toxicity - the bite of the Wolf Spider is poisonous but not lethal. Although non-aggressive, they bite freely if provoked and should be considered dangerous to humans. The bite may be very painful. First aid and medical attention should be sought as soon as possible, particularly as to children or the elderly.

Do you guys have camping equipment or can you borrow some? By making it an 'adventure' or a 'vacation' it can be easier on your little girl. Or know anyone with a camper?

If you guys 'split up' and need to stay in different locations you may then qualify for state aid.

I really don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry that this is happening to you guys and I hope that it straightens itself out soon.

[sapphire kate]

I was thinking of camping, a camper van etc too, and making it an adventure or holiday for a bit. Or using the crisis as an opportunity to make a complete life change. But I think it depends alot on your climate and how resourceful you feel currently, and how much support you will get for labour and post-natal etc (I don't know how the system works there).

The other option was to find a community that will take you in while you have the baby, in exchange for work. Intentional communities with a focus on social justice might be a good place to start.

[Movlin]

sash - you are welcome to come live with me and i will help you get on your feet. i know it is a bit of a trek to get here but maybe the universe is telling you you need to do something different. like skate i am a problem solver and a finder of solutions and would love to help you.

something to try right now - and i know it is difficult given the circumstances and your frame of mind but - do positive imagery, and mean it. KNOW a solution will present itself and things will be okay. better yet, pick which solution you want and SEE it happening. i know it's hard when things look so bad but all that negative energy you are putting out (understandably) will attract negative energy back to you - try really hard to put out some positive energy. to quote a pretty smart cookie "faith, trust, and pixie dust".

we are here for you - we'll get it figured out

[crystal woman]

Sashamarts, I'm so sorry to hear about your present difficulties.

Movlin has made an EXTREMELY GENEROUS offer and I think you cannot possibly get a better or more well-intentioned offer than that. I think if it's possible for you to make the move you should take her up on her offer. If you can get yourselves out of where you are and over to the west coast I think you'll find things will look up for you and you'll have a brighter future to look ahead to for you and your children.

Given the tumultuous trends of everything that's happening in the USA right now and the societal unrest and political storms that are brewing because of it I think you would be better off making a move like that to the west and get yourselves out of the thick of it ASAP.

Movlin, Gods and Godesses bless you for your generosity and kind heart. The world needs more people like you in it.

.

[sapphire kate]

That's awesome Movlin.

[Movlin]

you guys are making me blush....it's not a big deal, really. i've had many people in my home over the years who needed a hand. we all need help sometimes.

sash - you have a great many years of joy and wonder to experience after this little pothole in your road...don't lose sight of that. seriously think about my offer, i have many many contacts out here for finding work, affordable housing, child care, doulas, etc. plus it's gorgeous out here

sending love and light,
mo

ps - way appreciate the blessings cw...

[anita]

Thinking of you, Sasha. This too shall pass. May you find all the support and abundance you need and desire at this time.

Movlin, you rock!!!!!! Bless you!

[Sashamarts]

i wrote a long reply yesterday, but apparently it didnt go thru. but no need to re-write it because there are new posts since then...

Thank you all for your kidness & support... you have no idea what it means to me... I was seriously nearing my breaking point. Thank you!

Mo- That is such an amazing offer. I'm so touched. this is completly beyond words.... i dont know how we would manage to get out there, but really we would love to. I appreciate it so, SO much. i just... I'm totally speechless right now, i'm so amazed at your generosity... i told my husband- between sobs- and he said "Are you serious!? How will we get there? Who cares- lets go!" he has always **dreamed** of living out west. I dont know how we'll do it, but we will figure that part out. for now, A Million Thank Yous and all my love... I will talk to my hubby about coming up with the money for the trip... I'm just so stunned... you are truly an Angel, Mo

[Sashamarts]

oh and just to add, i got my food stamps today (thank the gods!) but found out that my daughter & i now dont have medical coverage... figures. but at least we have food!!!!

We dont have any camping gear at all, but it looks like right now that would be our best bet for the immediate future, so I've been searching craigslist for some

[Cat of the Moonlit Wood]

Sashamarts,
You might also put out a request on your local Freecycle, for camping gear and things you may need. Heck, even ask if anyone has extra garden veggies.
Blessings on you,
Cat