I had a bit of a health scare (severe anemia) the second week of January that was in the making for a very long time, probably years.
I haven't been feeling well for quite some time; years in fact but it got really bad these past few months, and in December/beginning of January, things really accelerated and took a nose dive. Tired constantly, no energy, irritable. My nails were paper thin and peeled off, not broke off. Cracks in the corners of my mouth. Rapid, racing heart, irregular heartbeats, palpitations, head rushes, feeling faint, extremely fast pulse while doing normal activities, weakness, catching a lot of 'bugs,' lots of headaches, irritability, pale skin, short of breath all the time, chronic constipation, low/no appetite, foggy thinking, forgetfulness, insomnia. I couldn't think straight (even here I have said things that made no sense, or were out of character and not a true reflection of myself, hence why I haven't been posting much for the past couple of years). I was unable to remain standing when I took a shower; I had to sit down in the tub. Then I had to sit on the toilet with the lid down when I got out. Of course I was able to explain away all of these symptoms. Stress. Poor eating habits. Cold, dry weather. Not sleeping good. Yes, I am the queen of denial.
On Tuesday, Jan. 8th during a staff meeting, people in the office kept staring at me, which irritated me to no end. I sat there, hunched in my chair, and glared at them all. Afterwards, I was besieged with people telling me I looked like crap; I wasn't just pale, I was yellowish pale. Dark circles under my eyes. My boss, who had been after me for a while to go to the doctor, finally convinced me to go that afternoon. Of course I was still working (as a hospice cna, lots of walking, lifting, bending, stooping) right up until my doctor appointment. He drew blood for a CBC (which I've had done more than once in the far distant past; they always came back normal, so I figured these would too in a couple of days). Well, doc called me at 11:30 that night. I was in bed but heard a guy's voice sounding urgent on my answering machine, so I got up and listened to the message. Luckily I have caller id so I called him back. He kept saying 'this is ugly Cindy, this is really ugly.' My hemoglobin was 3.9. Normal is 12-16. My iron was also extremely low, like 5%. On top of all that, the test results also revealed an under active thyroid, but that was the least of his worries. He wanted me to go to the hospital immediately for a blood transfusion, but being a single parent (and a pet owner), I can't just up and go anywhere at the last minute. So then he wanted me at his office first thing the next morning. I was finally able to drag myself there at 10 am. More blood drawn. Yep, the numbers were correct; basically I had almost no blood in my body. I had somehow, very slowly over the years, lost it. I finally drove myself to the hospital about 2 pm that day. I was there until Friday. I had to have five units of blood and a unit of iron put in me through an IV. I even had to be put on oxygen for awhile.
My doctor (and all the nurses at work and at the hospital) had never seen anyone with hemoglobin that low who was still upright, let alone still working. I'm told I'm lucky I didn't damage my liver and kidneys and have heart failure; my poor heart had been working way too hard, for way too long, to get what little blood I had left pumped throughout my body. I'm told I was very close to dying. I sense they are right; I had a funny feeling, deep in my heart before I went to the doctor on Tuesday, that I would collapse and possibly die before the end of that week. I had run out of denial.
I'm not sure what caused this, but I suspect that it could have been the massive amounts of NSAIDs (ibuprofen, naproxen) I've been taking for many many years for chronic pain/fibromyalgia. My two doctors (I was assigned a hematologist at the hospital) will be keeping a close eye on my hemoglobin for awhile. If it starts to drop again I'll have to swallow the hose (and drop my pants for it also), something I really don't want to do.
So if anyone still reading this could send me some healing energy to stop up the leak (if there is one) so I won't lose anymore blood and continue to make it instead, I would really appreciate it. I think it is probably in my stomach somewhere. That's where it hurts the most. I don't know what else could have caused this. You intuitives out there, any ideas???
I don't know how to word my second request for healing energy; it's not for physical healing. It's more for the wall of denial in my mind that kept me from going to the doctor sooner, before I became so dangerously critical. I just kept telling myself to suck it up, don't be weak/a wimp, stop complaining, get over myself, just power through it, it's nothing to be worried about. And since I'm a very strong woman, I powered through this until I literally almost dropped dead. It took me awhile before I was even able to give myself permission to put this request here. And now I feel like I've talked to much, told too much. Can anyone here say issues???
Blessings to all of you, and to everyone everywhere who needs healing energy.